The Disappearance of Devyn Devine

September 18, 2006 7:02:28 PM PDT

The Disappearance of Devyn Devine: Where in the Heck did I go?

Do you remember that show in the 90’s called, “Where in the World is Carmen Santiago?” The summer for Devyn Devine has modeled much of the likeness of that show. One minute I was on the radar; sitting high upon my little world of porn, and the next minute I couldn’t be found. Oh, I traveled this summer shooting in places like NYC, Los Angeles, Texas, Las Vegas, and Seattle, but without warning it seemed like I needed to fall off the face of the world in order to keep my sanity. I was forgetting who “Devyn” was and what she stood for.

In March I came to LA to spend a month shooting. Like many models, I have felt the pressures to be thinner and have turned to “The knife” as a way to solve some of my problems. I had liposuction in February, and I felt great. I was ready to conquer the big boob niche. What happened next is something I wasn’t prepared for. I came to LA and got myself an agent. Within two weeks, that “agent” lost me almost $3,000 in work by misrepresenting me. Not only was I misrepresented, he also threw me under the bus by lying to a production company about an abdominal scar I have. I felt like Devyn was defeated. I came back in June and celebrated my one year anniversary in which, I rang in with a bang by going on the Howard Stern Show, and hanging out with Christy Canyon and Ginger Lynn on Playboy Radio. Yet, something was wrong inside of me. After LA Erotica, I felt it necessary to in essence – disappear. So that’s what I did.

Things within my personal life began to unravel. I went through a massive break up with someone I thought would stand by me through thick and thin. I learned that this person hated Devyn and everything that she stood for. He didn’t find Devyn sexy or her attitude appealing. Slowly, things began to crumble, and my self worth was wrapped up in if the relationship was going to make it. It didn’t. I felt defeated and wondered if all the glitter and glamour of the porn industry was worth the pain it caused me. I was ready to turn my back on the family that had accepted me a year earlier. And it would have all been for nothing. At the same time, I felt it necessary to re-discover the person I wanted “Devyn” to be. Being an in-between size has been like riding a super-high roller coaster with its ups and downs. There are times I feel like there is nothing I can’t accomplish, and there are other times when I am afraid to pose nude for my fans. Do I diet and kill myself to shoot for the big companies that turn a blind eye to a girl like me, or do I stay true to my fans and accept that I will probably never win an award from AVN?

At the end of the day, I come spent the summer trying to realize that I am only one girl, and I can only do what I can do. I think in this business, the fans are the most important and are the ones who make us stars. I have decided that Devyn is a great girl and is ready to come back with a vengeance. I have decided that I won’t go into hiding for anyone. I won’t sell out for fame. I have come to decide that I will be the best Devyn I can be. My summer sabbatical is over and I am ready to take on the world. Please send your comments to Devyn @ AINews.com