Source: Ask Antonia Anything
By: Antonia
An open letter to Osama Bin Laden:
Dear Mr. Bin Laden,
It seems that in recent weeks this Magazine, and in particular this Column, have been the targets of some very obnoxious spamming on the part of a middle eastern gentleman (who I suspect is one of your followers). My intention is not to disparage our thousands of sexxxy readers from that part of the world who are legitimate fans of the porn genre, after all we can thank that culture for such Erotic Classics like the 1001 Nights and the Kama Sutra. However, this loser has been tirelessly pestering me for free porn. A trace of his IP found that it originated in an Islamic fundamentalist country. If we had send this character any thing it would have certainly caused an international incident not even Jesse Jackson could resolve.
Mr. Bin Laden, instead of funding terrorist cells who threaten our national security why not channel that money into buying some good porn for your people to watch thereby relieving some much-needed tensions among your ranks. Instead of calling America the “Great Satan”, may I suggest that you look in your own back yard and pull out some bad weeds.
And finally Mr. Bin Laden in the interest of world peace and my editor’s sanity (the stud muffin Mr. Steve Nelson), why don’t you dispense some Islamic Justice to this spamming peckerhead and administer a prostrate massage with a prickly pear cactus!
Thank you!
[Antonia is referring to the guy who is repeatedly asking for free porn, incest and sibling sex tapes. -Ed.]
Ok enough ranting; let’s move on to a more newsworthy subject- SEX! It seems there are a lot of you interested in work behind the cameras, a refreshing turn around from the opposite.
Ken (address redacted)@hotmail.com wrote the following….
Hi Antonia,
I used to work in the industry in NY… I was the dentist in Inside Jennifer Welles mostly did 8mm Loops with Sharon Mitchell Vanessa Del Rio, Terry Hall, Jamie Gillis etc Worked a lot for Jason Russell and Bob Wolf…Anyway I was looking for a contact for a camera man named Larry Ravene…. Last I knew I saw his name in some credits on a ShowTime b flick…. Appreciate any help.
Thanks
Wow a genuine Porn Veteran! I remember sneaking into the O´Farrell Theatre when I was just a little nubie and seeing you up on screen! You made me see Dentists in a whole different light! Ken, my horney love, if you are interested in contacting anyone working in front or behind the cameras of a main stream production then you must go to the internet movie data base i.e. www.imdb.com. Just simply enter the person’s name into
The search fields and up comes their credit, bio, and contact info.
Anyone out there with contact info please send it in! Good Luck!
Of course there are those who see themselves as renegade WGA members-
Paul (address redacted)@hotmail.com wrote the following….
Hello, my name is Paul C. and I have a question for you. Is there a way you can connect me to source where I can learn how to publish my own adult writing? I thank you for your time and understand if you are unable to help me.
Fear not my sexxxy man of letters help is on the way! In my tireless search to satisfy my readers every desire I came across a most interesting web portal, it is Top Paysites and Erotic Reviews. In it you can find reviews statistics and recommendations for the variety of Adult Sites in cyberspace. They even have contests sponsoring the creative talents of Horney writers like you. The address is- www.paysitereviews.com/Stories/
Do I smell an Oscar?
Then there are those who see themselves X-rated Alan Greenspans-
Mike (address redacted)@aol.com wrote the following….
Greetings,
I’m researching for a college paper about the role of computers and the Internet in the adult industry. I’m specifically looking for revenue information, by year, of the adult industry as a whole, and breakdowns for online income, to compare to other Internet businesses as a whole.
Jean (address redacted)@hotmail.com wrote the following….
Hey, I’m looking for industry outlook for adult web sites. I need things like how much money is exchanged in this industry, how much of the market share are made up by small business owners, things of that nature. Any leads you can give me would be awesome.
Again my sexxxy luvbunnies go to the Top Paysites Portal, if you go directly to the home page, which is www.toppaysites.com/. On that site you will see reviews, statistics,
And just about anything else to fulfill your bean counting urges. Keep those ticker tapes ticking!
This guy must have a very BIG desk-
John (address redacted)@(address redacted).com wrote the following….
I would like to advertise in your Blue Very Book.
I notice you list only one Financial Consultant. I am a Consultant with $$$$$$$ and would like to be listed. Please let me know by e-mail.
John from $$$$$$$ Financial Services for the Adult Industry.
Wow Mr. John I bet you must have a really big desk! I just luuuuv a man who has a big desk! Do you have a big desk? Can I touch it? Would you let me sit on it? Oooooh
You do have a big desk and its sooo hard!
This guy wants to see those syndication royalties in a bad way-
John (address redacted)@ (address redacted).com wrote the following….
I am looking to buy or lease the rights to old adult films made in the 60’s, 70’s & 80’s, can you give me the name and phone number of any companies or organizations that could help me with this?
I know lots of Johns ;)!!!! Oh okay seriously, there are a number of places you can go to. The most obvious is to go to the classifieds section of AVN where you can find the occasional ad offering film libraries for sale. However, sometimes those ads also appear in the WSJ classified as well so you may want to try there. Also it wouldn’t hurt for you to put an ad in OUR fine publication since we often get requests from the other side wanting to unload their grandpa’s dirty movies.
And speaking of Grandpa’s dirty movies…
Has it ever occurred to anyone that maybe Grandma may have had a past? Check out these two sites, Vintage Erotica Gallery
www.pornquest.com/secco/vintage/vintage.html and Erotic Ecards www.erotic-cards.com/erotica.asp. You may be surprised to find a long lost ancestor with a very Horney past. Let me tell you my loyal readers some of this stuff is wild! Who´da thunk it?
Well that’s all for now my hot and horney fans, but before I go I would like to take a moment to note the passing of Katherine Graham. A lot of you out there have stopped stroking your dicks as you are reading this and are probably now stroking your heads and saying ¨Huh? Why Her? Because she had the courage to be a champion for Freedom of Speech while she was running the Washington Post. Let’s face it pioneers always take the first arrows making it possible for the rest of us to exercise our first amendment privileges. And for that those of us in all walks of life owe her a debt of gratitude. Mrs. Graham you will be missed!
Speaking of First Amendment privileges, in my next installment I will answer your questions about anal sex, female ejaculation, and a plethora of other prick and pussy Queries.
Ciao!
